Fantasy and Reality
How often do you drift off?
Living a life full of fantasy can be damaging to our wellbeing. I used to fantasise all the time about the "perfect" life. I’d imagine having the "perfect" relationship, owning a big house, being confident and popular, and travelling the world. But then reality kicked in, and I realised that these fantasies were not reality. I’d never put much effort or motivation into achieving anything that great because I wasn't willing to put the work in, I just wanted the outcome or to jump to the destination. I’d get a dopamine hit from disappearing from the real work into this fantasy world where I was a completely different person. But when that reality hit, I felt unhappy. I just expected my fantasies to one day become a reality, but that did not happen. The thing is, we can end up in this loop of daydreaming and sudden snap back into the real world. And the real world and our current situation can be hard to come to terms with if the fantasy in our head is better. It's so easy to drift off into the mental image in our minds of what our life should be like and who should be in it.
The trouble with fantasising too much is it takes us out of our current situation. We end up in this dream world which lets face it, is not real. We can spend so much time thinking about the life we want to live but we never do anything about it. And when our fantasies don't happen we think "why am I not like this" "why can’t I be with that girl/guy" and "I wish I had the life that my favourite celebs have"
It's like teleporting to a parallel universe where you see yourself as a different person. Fantasies can become dangerous to a point we can believe they are real and that only makes it worse. It's like seeing a girl or guy at the gym on a regular basis that you find attractive. You may think about approaching them, having a conversation, and going out with them. But in reality you never actually approach them, you just see them regularly and they may not even know you exist. You may be in a job you dislike, and you day dream about walking out and finding something new, but you never do anything about it, you don't put the time and effort into taking the necessary steps to find something else. Your reality is not fulfilling so you drift off into something that makes you feel better.
So why do we fantasise so much?
I believe it's the fact we have many areas in our lives that we are unhappy with and feel we need to improve, it could be a lack of confidence or even motivation to go for what we want. It's the unknown and handling of certain situations, and a fear of failure or rejection. Its lack of experience in some area of life and wishing we could do better. Have a look at what you fantasise about and why you do it. We want our fantasies to become true but we don't always have the energy to put the time, work and effort into it. Sometimes we can desire something so much but never take action.
What do we do to live more in the real world?
The first thing we must understand is that these fantasies are not real, it's all in the mind, and you are not your thoughts. When we live in the real world and take action we can build confidence, make improvements, and build a better person. Doing things that make us feel Present and "just going for it" is the way to go. Even if it means being turned down, rejected, and told we’re not experienced enough. If you find there is something that you really want in life, then find a way of making it happen. Do the research, make the changes, dedicate the time to working on it. It becomes a problem when we believe our fantasies are real life. Work out a way to face yours step by step. Remember - we must act in order to change.
Changing your mindset
Start seeing the world differently
The way we see the world can without a doubt affect our wellbeing and happiness. Sometimes we can see certain situations and scenarios in such a negative light that it starts destroying us inside, making us angry and frustrated with the world. We see certain things as an inconvenience or even worse, hatred towards something or someone. Just by changing our perspective, we can lead a happier, more positive life.
Here's an example:
Back in 2020 during the pandemic, the rules on face coverings in the UK were constantly being tightened as the months went on and as society gradually reopened. Although I saw the reopening of society after months of staying at home and lockdowns a fantastic change, I saw the wearing of face coverings as such a frustrating inconvenience. The fact that every time I go into work, a shop, the gym, a pub or on public transport I’d have to cover my face felt like an abnormal thing to do, especially during the summer, and I almost dreaded having to go anywhere indoors. I felt this constant negative feeling a lot of the time. I’d always wear a covering where I had to out of respect for others.
But then I thought to myself “Why do I feel this way and why am I so angry over something that really isn't a big deal”. I then started to change my mindset on the matter, I saw it differently. I’d go out and find a face mask that I liked the look and feel of. I’d see it as something positive and protecting others and myself. I saw it as something we just have to do because of the global pandemic we were currently in, just like the way my ancestors adapted during the wars and tough times of the past. I told myself "I’m not going to let it get to me anymore" and still do the things I love to do, but in a different way. It made me realise there is no such thing as normal. We have to change and adapt all the time, and a lot of the time the changes we have to make will be temporary. Holding on to anger only brings pain and negativity and that therefore leads to more unhappiness.
You see, just by changing the way you view something can turn a negative into a positive. It could be your current job role that you’re unhappy with or where you live. It takes that sudden shift in perception to alter the way we see the world. So many people have such a negative mindset towards something, or even someone. You need to ask yourself - Why?
Many people have a dislike towards others for no other reason than they are different for themselves and live a different lifestyle. Usually this is down to not being able to relate or understand their way of life. Here's an example:
Max works as admin assistant in London. Each work day he commutes in by train and sees many people from many walks of life. He was happy in his job but hated his commute, he always got so annoyed by having to travel on busy trains with so many people, and especially for some reason - tall people. He felt they made his commute worse, he hated that feeling of them "towering" over him. As this occurred more often he started to have a grudge towards taller people, especially other men. He started to wonder "Why are they so big" "Why are these guys so popular and successful with woman" and "They are so intimidating". After sometime, Max started to realise all this negative thinking was having an impact on his happiness. It wasn't just on the train he felt annoyed, but walking up and down the street, out on a friday night in the pub with his friends, and in the office too. One quiet lunch time, he sat at his desk on the 21st floor of his office building, admiring the views over London. A sudden thought came to mind "Maybe the reason I'm angry towards tall people is because I'm insecure about my own height". After this moment, Max realised that he was unhappy because he wanted to be taller, he wanted to be like them. He was unhappy with his own height. This thought therefore changed his mindset. He stated to realise that height is something you can't control. He started to accept that although he could not change his height, he can change his mindset, and his attitude. He saw the world differently, he accepted that as humans we are all so unique and different shapes and sizes. Accepting who he is gave him the relief Max needed, it improved his confidence in himself and eliminated the blame towards others for his own unhappiness. Max learned a valuable lesson that day.