Anger

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Being angry is perfectly normal, it's part of the emotions that makes us human. The way we handle it is different from person to person. The trouble is, it can have a major effect on our well-being if it's not controlled and if it occurs too often. There are so many things that can trigger our anger. From an argument with a loved one, failure of a task, impatience, being in an uncomfortable position, loss of control over a situation etc. Past trauma can really have an effect of how we act now. We can be so affected by the way someone or something treated us in the past that we can struggle to move on. It's our way of reacting to what we see as a negative event or experience. It can have such damaging effects to ourselves and others. From exhaustion to uncertainty. So how can we control it? What do we do to ease our suffering and become less angry for the sake of our mental health and well-being? Can we in reality understand why people act the way they do? The following suggestions may help:

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• Practice mindfulness and being calm - Do the activities that make you feel calm and at ease. This could be painting, creating something, working on a relaxing project, meditation, treating yourself to a spa treatment, watching a movie etc. I started to avoid all screens (phone, laptop, TV) 45 minute before bed often, which helped me to sleep better. I’d use that time to read, meditate, relax, and prepare for the next day. Doing these activities can help to clear your mind and when it come to bedtime, helping you to sleep.​

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• Avoid unnecessary confrontation - Sometimes the best thing to do is just to say nothing and walk away from a situation. That old saying "keep calm and carry on" can relate to this. It sometimes best to say nothing then something we may regret. Think before you speak.

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• Speak to someone - Speaking to someone whether that be a partner, family member, friend, or doctor etc. They can listen to how you’re feeling and offer their advice and support. Let someone know how you're feeling and work together to help solve it. If the anger is towards your partner or friend for example, then approach them in a calm manner to talk about how you are feeling, and work on resolving your issues. It's much better to have it out in the open then let it build and boil up inside for too long. This is where communication is key. 

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• Make changes - Make the changes in your life that you believe will set you on a more positive and progressive path. Be the person you want to be by saying "right that's it" and cracking on with taking a new approach. Take action but do this with a calm approach. Whether it be a small or big change it will set you on a new path. It may be leaving your current job, breaking away from a habit, or having that well needed conversation with your boss about how you feel at work etc.

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• Work out your triggers - This is one of the biggest I believe when it comes to controlling your anger. To work out what are the triggers, what takes you from a calm situation into a challenging and uncontrollable feeling one. Once you work out what it is that causes that change in your behaviour, then you can work on altering your approach to handle it. This might mean avoiding certain places, people or situations that you know might trigger your anger. Or settling a dispute once and for all.

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• Let go of the past - Events of the past can haunt us, making us replay events in our minds of the bad things that have happened to us. The trouble is, it can ruin us in the now. It's tough but we must let go of the past, we can’t change it, we can’t go back in time, we can only learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others, and make improvements now to handle things differently. You only have to look back at the events of human history to see the utter devastation that anger can bring, through war, disagreements, power and loss. Understand that you do not deserve to suffer in the now because of the way you were treated by someone. Don't let that person cause you any more pain, it's hard to let go and even harder to forgive people especially if they did something pretty bad, but tell yourself "I'm not letting you hurt me anymore" and be who you really want to be today.

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• Burn it off - If you feel you need to release your anger then find a productive way to burn it off. Go to the gym and hit the weights or the crosstrainer, go for a walk or run in the evening, do a few manual jobs in the garden, focus on an interesting task etc. Not only will you be doing something productive, but you can release that build up.  

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I've also found that modern technology plays a big role in anger. With everything moving at such a fast pace and access to so much at the touch of a button or tap on a screen, even a few seconds delay can cause our blood to boil. We get into this mindset that everything needs to be done quickly, which it sometimes doesn't. Don't forget that there's a lot that we can't control. Such as our bus to work being 15 minutes or dealing with a challenging customer in the shop. It's the little things sometimes that can fuel our anger. After we may think "why did I let that get to me". What we must understand is that losing our minds over things we can not control will bring us suffering. So take control today and prove to yourself that you deserve better.

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Don't forget to breathe 

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