Aim - Action, Inspiration, Motivation

Its vital in all aspects of life. From maintaining relationships, friendships, understanding and connecting with others, completing tasks in the workplace and being able to teach and to learn. The trouble is, many of us either lack the ability to communicate properly or have to deal with a lack of communication from others in our lives. This can give us a feeling of being lost and confused. People can drift apart and lose connection, plus It's the feeling of uncertainty that we're doing the right thing and making the right decisions. There are many reasons we as humans struggle to communicate properly with one another. Here are a few reasons why:

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Comfort and fear - Sometimes in our lives we become too comfortable in our current situation, but that does not necessarily mean we are happy. You might be unsatisfied in your current job, but you know it's secure, you want to voice your concerns to your boss or ask for a raise, but you’re unsure how to go about it, and you fear the worst outcome if you were to speak up, and when they ask you if you're okay, you just say “I’m fine thanks”. Or maybe you’re in a relationship that you’re unhappy in, you want to speak to your partner to tell them you’re unhappy and bored but out of comfort and fear of confrontation you won't. You see, we fear speaking out because of the unknown, and worry that the imagined outcome could worsen our current situation. This is the same for families, friendships, and many life situations. We think If we speak out at work we could be sacked. If we tell our partner we’re unhappy we’ll create conflict and affect the bond. If we tell our friend that the way they are behaving is unnecessary it could damage our friendship with them. This is the worst case scenario. Keeping how you feel inside just to stay comfortable can be so painful, this is because it eats away at us and we pretend everything is okay when in fact inside it feels like a supernova. What we really want is to let it all out. What you'll find is it'll eventually all come out, one way or another. But time is precious, and avoidance of going for what you want and not standing up for yourself only brings suffering and discomfort. The comfort zone is too easy to stay in because it holds onto the peace. But just because we are in a situation of peace does not mean we are in a state of happiness. 

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Experience - Our life experiences can have a detrimental effect on our communication with others. Those that have been through pain and suffering may find it harder to talk to others about their feelings and past experiences. We feel the past defines who we are today, and that we may act in a certain way because that's what we know. We may find it hard to communicate with someone if it brings up past trauma or if we feel inexperienced in our method of communication. A lack of confidence in ourselves also can prevent us from making that first move towards our dreams and goals. It's all some of us know. We feel our life experience defines who we are today. 

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No Interest - Sometimes the lack of communication between people is because there is just no genuine interest in talking to said person. We feel that person may bring no value into our lives or that they just do not have anything in common with us. This often occurs within friendships and family but also other areas such as in dating. When we are trying to pursue someone, their communication towards us can say a lot about their feelings and interest towards us, and the person themselves. When someone is showing little to no sign of interest towards us, this isn't always necessarily down to us, but them. Sometimes when someone ignores your texts and calls, has an excuse or doesn't make time to see you, or just flat out “ghosts” you then the best  is to accept it as it is and to move on with your life, put your time and effort into people who’ll offer you the same back. I believe that some people are just not meant to be in our lives, and we’ll never be friends or connect with everyone, because as humans we are all just so different. A famous quote by Will Smith that I admire is Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay.

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We’re busy - We get so caught up in our busy and challenging lives that we sometimes forget about others. Days, months, weeks or even years can pass by where we don't contact our family and friends, and this is how we can drift apart. We don't necessarily intend to do this (although sometimes we really do) but we can end up getting into a habit of saying “they can contact me first” or “I haven't heard from X in a while”. We prioritise ourselves and can be so fixated on our own problems and what's going on in our own lives. When we get a moment in between we think “I haven't spoken to them in ages”. Even when one gets busy from time to time, we've all had that moment when we have forgotten to text or call someone back, or arrange meeting up with them. The solution here is to make time for the people in our lives. Just a quick 5 minute call or meeting for a quick coffee with a friend keeps the bonds we have alive and gives us a break from our busy and hectic lives. Time is something that you’ll never get back, use of it what you can. Almost everyone who has lost someone in their life has thought at some point that they wished they'd spent more quality time with them, that they’d called or messaged them more often, and that they’d been closer. Loss can happen too easily and quickly. 

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Organised - Have you even emailed a company or business but never heard back? You’re certain the email has gone through as it's in your sent box. Business and people can get into an awful habit of becoming unorganised and overwhelmed with tasks. Maybe you sent a message or tried to call a friend, but at the time they were busy. Your email, message or call can disappear into the stack of others. Being more organised and setting out priorities can help improve communication.

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Modern Technology - We get so used to using all forms of modern technology such as instant messaging, video calls, and emailing etc. This is amazing and convenient technology we have in our lives! But sometimes the way we use it isn't so noble. Texts and emails can be misread and misunderstood, and video calls can feel awkward to some. The way a text or email is worded may come across as aggressive or assertive when it may not have intended to be that way at all! Maybe it's the way we word our messages. Communication has gotten to a point where on apps like Whatsapp someone will tell us they have read our message by two ticks showing up in our conversations. The way you may say something to someone in a text can be taken very differently in person. When we are texting, we don't have the same conversation skills and ability to read the person, as we do in person. Communication has not only become so instant and easy but also so confusing. It's superb that we have the technology we have in this day and age, but what we must remember is it's another human on the other side.

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Preference - Everyone has their preferred methods of contact, whether that be by text message, email, phone call, video call, in person, or a good old fashioned hand written letter! Many people may have phone anxiety, where they feel uncomfortable talking on the phone as it can feel awkward to them, they may feel it puts them on the spot or pressured to give an answer, and it interrupts their busy day. Therefore, they may prefer to text or email as this gives them more time to gather their thoughts and feelings, and respond better, at a time when it's convenient to them. This is the case for many introverts where a phone call out of the blue can feel like an interruption to the task at hand, and can be an irritation or even overwhelming to us as we have to deal with something else so sudden, and for those who struggle to multitask or deal with anxiety in general this can be difficult to cope with. Maybe you're the type of person who likes to video call your friends to see their face and have a long deep conversation or quick catch up whilst doing other jobs, but you find texting back and forth a nuisance. Some people prefer a video or phone call as it may feel more personal and friendly. They like to be able to see the other person's face or hear their voice. 

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Relationships - I’m sure you’d agree that communication can make or break a romantic relationship. Many of us have experienced a breakdown in communication in our current or previous relationships. But why does this happen? Well there could be many reasons for this! In John Grey’s Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus John talks about the way in which men and women communicate in hertosexual relationships, and the importance of having strong communication in a relationship. Many women feel that a man does not listen to them when they are upset or angry, when all they want is their man to hear what they have to say, and not necessarily offer a solution but just to be there, and listen. Men may take what their woman is saying personally, they feel they are to blame, when in fact a lot of the time they are not. The woman just wants her man to hear her. Men tend to escape to their “man caves” when they feel stressed or feel they have problems to solve, they go quiet and become distant, and isolate themselves, they disappear in order to rejuvenate and think. Women can mistake this for their man pulling away from them, and they can take this personally believing they have done something wrong, when in fact they may have not. Men tend to like to sort out their problems themselves and when they do solve them they often bounce back stronger. Women on the other hand tend to like to talk about their problems and once they have let it all out it's a sign of relief and feeling of support if they have been listened to. Many men find it hard to talk about how they feel, even in this day and age where talking about our feelings is more common and natural. It's almost like it's in a man's nature to fix himself without outside help. Support is vital.

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With any relationship, what we must do is understand our differences, the way we think, act, speak and how we express ourselves can be very different to our partner's way. Over time the more two people spend together, the more they get to know each other, then the more they'll notice the pros and cons they see in their partner. For a relationship to last, communication, being on the same wave length, and understanding is vital. With good communication we are able to get around the obstacles that come up and work together by listening to each other and understanding when space is needed. If your partner does something that upsets you or makes you unhappy, then you need to mention it in a calm manner when the time is right. Because if you don't, it’ll only eat away at you, and the more cons you’ll start to notice will build up overtime leading to dissatisfaction and the need for more. 

Do you find it hard or challenging when it comes to communicating with other people? Does a lack of communication from others have an impact on your health and wellbeing? If so send us an email at findtherightpath@outlook.com