Mental Pain and Becoming Stronger

Pain is something everyone has to experience at some stage in their life, if not often. There are many different types of pain we have to deal with. Mental pain could be grief, getting over a breakup, childhood trauma, loss of something, money worries, depression, anxiety, anger over events we can't control. You see, there are so many types of mental pain we have to deal with. The overwhelm of our thoughts and feelings can feel uncontrollable. I bet you wish sometimes you could just switch off your mind like turning off a light switch on the wall. 

 

Pain Barrier

 

When we are suffering from mental pain, when we are angry, upset, feel destroyed by our past and what may have happened to us, we feel drained to a point we may give up on what we really want to do with our lives. We feel unmotivated, lazy, uninspired, drained by our loop of thoughts and feelings spinning in our minds. 

 

You have to fight the pain. You have to say “I am strong” and tell yourself “I am better than this, I deserve better, I am not my thoughts and emotions” You must fight the pain in your mind and use this frustration and anger to put it to good use. Go down the gym and workout the hardest you've ever done before, go for a run and run the fastest and quickest, get away for a few days and go somewhere you have never been before and explore, cut the people out your life fully that hurt you or drain the life out of you. Life is too short, get out there and be the best version of yourself that you can be. It may take time, you may try and fail again and again. Break through the barrier, Use the pain of the past to build a better you and work towards a better future. One where you are stronger. Be confident in who you are and what you want to be, get out of your comfort zone and take that solo trip, go to that workout class, go for that job, enter that competition. You never know what’s around the next corner. 

 

Pain and discomfort

 

It’s too easy to stay in the comfort zone, the trouble is this does not make you happy long term. Staying comfortable for too long can mean we are not doing what we truly want to do, we are not taking action. Sometimes, in order to change we have to go through pain. If you want to gain muscle or lose weight in the gym you have to workout out hard, even when you don't want to! You have to push yourself! And when you do you can see what you’re truly capable of.

 

When going through mental pain, you may feel the need to escape and avoid people to have time to think, reflect, and plan on moving forwards. This is fine! Take as long as you need. Just make sure that when the time is right you reach out to others. Reach out to positive people. This could be your friends, family, partner, neighbours or a work colleague. These people can listen to you, guide you, and offer you advice. 

 

Escape to recharge the mind

 

In the past, whenever I’ve been through pain such as a breakup, leaving a job I disliked, feeling a little lost in life and unsure of my next steps, Or even when I just felt like I needed a break from my day to day life, I’d pack a bag and disappear for a few days to a few weeks. For me I found this extremely helpful. During my travels, the thoughts and feelings were still there. And I acknowledged this. I’ve done many trips over the years to Cornwall, Ireland, Scotland, Belgium, Orkney. I found that being away from the same 4 walls really helped. Just having a change of scenery away from home would give me energy to come back stronger. 

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When I travelled around Scotland one summer, I had no job, no partner, and no time or specific date I had to be back at home in Brighton, England. I had some money saved up in the bank and the opportunity to go where I liked around this beautiful country. I had this sense of freedom that I’d never felt so strongly about before. I really needed this, I needed to get away for a while and travelling across the beauty of the Scottish highlands and the Orkney islands was something I’ll truly cherish for the rest of my life. I had a lot of time to think when I was away, It was scary at times, I worried about what the hell am I going to do when I get back? When should I go back? What about my house plants? Shall I stay up here longer? I wandered along the beaches, watched the ships come in and out of the ports, and saw some of the most beautiful sunsets I’d ever witnessed. I spoke to strangers about why I was here. I still felt the pain of the past and worries of the future but I brought myself back into the present moment and saw the beauty of life. Before I arrived in Orkney, I stayed in Thurso. One evening after a meal in the hotel I was staying at, I wandered down to the beach. I’d never seen anything so beautiful. That sunset! Wow, I just sat there watching the sun go down. And for the first time in months, I felt at peace. I had this feeling that life is so worth living, I felt this was meant to be. I needed this. I’d travelled for many hours on many trains across Britain and arrived at the top of mainland Scotland. And it was all worth it. 

 

These trips were honestly the best medication! Just seeing the beauty of the places I visited over the years. The hills of the Scottish Highlands, The historic cities in Belgium, The Irish countryside, and the Orkney Islands gave me this boost. It made me realise there is so much out there to discover, so much beauty, and a world of opportunity. 

 

Everybody needs a break. That doesn't mean you have to pack a bag and run off halfway around the world for 2 months. Although, if that’s what you want to do then go for it! You could just book a hotel an hour away from home and stay a few days or go and visit a friend in a different city. Just getting out of your usual environment can really help because you are given your mind and body a change of scenery to recharge and recuperate. I can honestly say these solo breaks and times of solitude was just what I needed. I felt as if life is so worth living and there’s so much opportunity out there for me to yet discover. People, places, jobs, and bad days will come in and out of your life. But if you let it make you stronger each set back you have and you believe you can do better, then you truly are on the right path to greatness! Life is short, be present and live it!

 

Learning to accept and adjust, and move forward

 

Part of being able to accept and adjust to something, is letting go of the past. We can't change our past, we can only learn from it. The harsh truth is, what's done is done. Once we accept where we are at now and make peace with the past, then we can move forwards. We must learn to adjust to what's new and upcoming. 

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When coming out of a tough event, we can find it challenging to move forward. However, as hard as it can be, change is part of life that we can’t always avoid. We have to change constantly in order to work towards something greater. By that I mean going through tough events, with the right mindset can make us stronger! Why? Because you build up resilience. You realise what you are willing to put up with and what you are not. You decide that your life is worth more than your feelings and you deserve better. 

 

Mental Strength 

 

Throughout my life like many people Ive been through some bad times. Times that nearly broke me. Times that made me not want to wake up some days. And those times, whatever the reason for being in them has made me realise something. How strong I truly am. I hit rock bottom and somehow managed to pick myself up again. I’ve spent countless hours in the past where I’ve spent months overthinking and analysing the events. And this brought me into a dark place where I didnt know whether to hide or to run. The worst was going through two break ups in less than a year. I’ll talk about that more in my book coming out in 2024.

 

One thing I am eternally grateful for is the amazing people. The family, friends, work colleagues, neighbours, who supported me through these tough times. They have been my rock. When you go through a shitty time in your life, you may feel alone. You may feel lost and feel you have to get yourself back on your feet. But this is the perfect time to reach out to the people you have that you care for and trust. This is the time that your friends/family/community can truly support you. 

 

Practice gratitude daily

 

Grab a pen and some paper, or open up a blank document in your phone. And write down 15 things in your life that you are grateful for! Whether they be big or small, write down everything that you are truly grateful for in your life. Then look at this every day. Yes, every day! First thing in the morning before you check your phone. Here's my 15 things I am truly grateful for:

 

1. I have the most amazing supportive mum anyone could ask for. She is always there for me and we cherish every moment we spend together.

    

2. I can buy/eat food whenever I’m hungry and have access to unlimited tap water when I’m thirsty

    

3. I’m grateful for my physical health and being able to be active 

    

4. I have a job that I love where I get to help people and learn about people 

    

5. I have a home that is safe, sound, and keeps a roof over my head

    

6. I have some really amazing friends who I see when I can and feel I can tell anything to

    

7. I find the time to relax and meditate to be able to observe and monitor my thoughts

    

8. I have money to be able to live and pay for rent/bills etc. But also some left over at the end of the month that I can enjoy

    

9. I love the fact I have access to so much music and listen to whatever I feel like

    

10. I have the freedom to go anywhere I like. The world is my oyster

     

11. I have family all over the UK and Ireland and always have somewhere to visit if I feel I need an escape

     

12. I have 3 amazing family cats who all are so unique in their own way

     

13. I am growing stronger physically and mentally every single moment of every single day. And whatever life throws at me I know I’ll always break through

     

14. I have a really comfortable bed and it helps me to get great sleep

     

15. I have a family dog who I love spending time and go on fun adventures